The Scars Make The Knight
by mandaree1
Summary: Her loyalty is, above all, to Steven. Everything else is just the specifics.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe!**

 **Title: The Scars Make The Knight**

 **Summary: Her loyalty is, above all, to Steven. Everything else is just the specifics.**

 **Warnings: Probably O.O.C; only my second SU fanfic, so don't expect perfection. Title may change; I don't know if I really like this one or not.**

 **...**

All this talk of fighting and war was starting to get Connie thinking.

How did Steven handle it, anyway? Connie only had to worry about it during sword practice. Steven _lived_ in it. But he always came off as optimistic and happy; always smiling and joking. It wasn't that he was oblivious- not to say they both weren't; the gem's history was still murky at best- but, instead of letting it define him, he accepted it and boosted the morale of his friends and family.

She wondered if he was as scared as she was. If he was hurting and hiding the pain like the rest of his family did, shouldering it for centuries rather than break the routine and admit that something was wrong. It was hard to tell with Steven; he was always doing his best to keep her mind off the bad times.

The sound of metal hitting metal rang in her ears, even hours after practice. She grit her teeth.

Her hand (well, hands, but mostly just the right one) hurt horribly. Steven's everything probably hurt on a daily basis. She didn't have any room to complain.

Connie was just a human. A human with a fancy sword. She didn't know what she was doing when it came to magic; she hardly even knew the first thing about gems. But this was her world, and Steven was her friend. That was all that mattered.

Connie was prepared to kill or be killed in a war she technically wasn't a part of. The fact she was so certain of this fact- and calm about it in the strangest of ways- freaked her out more than the thought of dying did.

Connie was a human. This was the gem's battle. And, sure, the fate of the world and her very existence was at stake, but that still didn't make it her fight.

But here she was, toting a dangerous weapon for hours at a time to prepare for a fight that might not even come.

It's complicated.

* * *

Her hands are always covered with bruises and cuts. Most of them heal. Some of them don't. They scar.

How does she explain that one to her parents? She doesn't. They're small and hard to see. They never seem to notice, and Connie never feels all that obligated to mention them.

* * *

Seeing Steven wield a sword makes Connie feel on edge.

Part of it is Pearl's pre-intervention training still lingering in her mind (the liege should never have to fight on the same level she does; that's _her_ job; how can she protect him like this?), but most of it is the fact that Steven just wasn't made for sword fighting.

Any fighting, really. Connie didn't care if he was part magical being with some sort of crazy awesome destiny, Steven just wasn't made to be a fighter. He was too sweet and too prone to giving people and gems the benefit of the doubt. The shield and bubble, at least, made sense. He wanted to protect people and gems no matter what. The sword looked and felt... plain _wrong_.

She wondered if Rose ever had the same problem.

* * *

Connie had never been one of those people who believed that violence was simple.

There was good and bad, sure, but nothing was ever that cleanly cut. There was a backstory and a plot and cause and a specific set of characters per chapter, each with their own personal dynamic and backstory. Sides were swapped and mindsets changed. It was anything _but_ simple.

But now she realized that, in it's own way, it was un-apologetically simple. You fight. Other people fight with you. Other people fight against you. People die. You might die. One side usually wins; sometimes it's a tie, sometimes no one wins at all. You fight and die striving to reach that endpoint in anything _but_ a straight line.

It was everything else that made it so confusing. Emotions, loyalties, etc. The very things that made her human were the very things that could potentially tear her apart on the battlefield. She didn't know how to feel about that.

* * *

The first time she saw a picture of Rose Quartz, the only thought that'd crossed her mind for any great length of time was that she was really pretty, especially with all that hair. (She also remembered asking, aloud, if Steven's hair would curl like that if he grew it out. He didn't know, but, considering that Greg's hair had never been as 'poofy' as his was when it was that short, it was quite possible).

Now all she could wonder about is how the woman could survive and _thrive_ an unknown amount of brutal wars with _all that hair_.

* * *

Connie dreams about it sometimes. Of a day that something like the giant space hand, only worse, will wreak havoc.

There's fire and wreckage everywhere, and people all around her are screaming and yelling. Even her parents, which freaks her out the most. Connie's never heard either of them raise their voices above a yell before, but her overactive imagination is good about being thorough. It chilled her blood in the worst of ways (and can something like this be considered a nightmare if no one ever gets hurt or dies?)

In all actuality, however, it's a highly unrealistic dream. The monster's echo some of the more notable creatures from The Unfamiliar Familiar, and she has a sword tied to her waist (which she pulls from a random pair of armor) almost the entire time. Her glasses are nowhere to be seen, and all of Beach City is escaping onto a train headed towards an unknown destination.

Steven asks her to escort the stragglers- her parents, Lars, Sadie, and a few others- to the train, and make sure they make it in one piece. She agrees and, privately, implores him to send Lion for her as soon as he was able to help her make a quick trek back to the scene.

She fights her way to the train, her parents arguing with her the whole way. She was to young, this was crazy, what did she think she was _doing_ , swinging a sword around like she _actually_ knew what she was doing?

"I don't know what I was thinking, letting you hang around that Steven Universe boy."

The scene shifted from the ruins of Beach City to the inside of the train. It was moving. Her mother was frowning down at her, her father's arms crossed disapprovingly.

"This is my planet too, mother. I have every right to learn how to protect it."

"Young lady, if we survive this, you'll never be allowed near him again."

Connie looked at both of them with this resounding resolve in her chest that echoed even after she awoke. "Try and stop me."

That, of course, is when she becomes fully aware that it's all just a dream. She'd never speak to her parents that way, no matter what the situation, and she'd never be able to look them in the eye while doing so.

Lion runs up next to the train and makes a noise for her to get on.

Connie always woke up mid-leap.

* * *

"The only thing a knight fears is losing their liege." Pearl says once, and, yeah, Connie could understand that. She couldn't imagine losing Steven.

She could only wonder how Pearl managed to do it.

* * *

Her loyalty is, above all, to Steven. Everything else is just the specifics.

Steven was her first friend. Steven always made her feel like she could accomplish anything; that she was everything. Steven cared for her as a person, not for who she could be as a career. She couldn't say the same for anyone else.

Earth is her home. Earth is also the Crystal Gem's home; has been their home long before she came into existence. The Crystal Gems were her friends, and Steven's family. She cared about them as well, in a step-family/distant-friends sort of way, but they weren't in nearly as much danger as Steven was.

People seemed to assume that her priorities should be opposite to what they were; Earth first and Steven second. What they didn't seem to realize was that, without Steven, Earth was doomed.

* * *

Selfish as it may seem, she kinda hoped that, once she got stronger, she could start going on missions. Not the big important ones, obviously, but still. The easy ones could double as battle practice _and_ as time to hang out with her friend.

* * *

Pearl didn't talk much during their one-on-one training exercises initially, but she's started doing it more and more as she's progressed. Distraction training, she calls it. Connie's fairly sure she's just testing her worth.

"Human lives are remarkably short, Connie." Pearl says, swiping at her right side. Connie blocked it with a grunt. "Gems can live for an eternity, if given the right conditions. But you... you rarely live a decade after your first century, _if_ you even reach that century."

"Yes, ma'm." She nodded.

"Chances are you'll live an even shorter existence if you continue down this path." Pearl paused, but didn't stop the motions of her sword. "Connie, are you scared? Of dying young, I mean."

Scared? Of course she was. There was so many things she had yet to do; so many books to read and songs to listen to. Death by sword wasn't exactly the prettiest way to go, either. Death by magic probably isn't any easier, if a little more flashy. She hasn't even hit puberty yet. Connie felt a chill run down her spine.

"Connie?" Pearl prompted.

She sighed. "Yes, ma'm. Terrified."

"Hmm. Understandable." The gem doesn't say anything further, but disapproval radiates off her in waves.

She thinks she's a coward. Or a bad knight, or whatever. She isn't sure if she can measure up, simply because she's young and a human.

Connie grits her teeth. "I'm scared, but I won't run. This is my fight too."

"I hardly see how. You're a human."

"So is Steven." She points out. The boy in question disappeared a few minutes ago to fetch them some snacks and something to drink. Connie is fairly sure part of it had something to do with getting away from the painful ear-ringing sounds of metal clashing against metal. She blocks a few blows distractedly. "Steven is _my_ friend. This is _my_ planet. That makes it my fight."

Pearl doesn't say anything for a long moment; doesn't even move a muscle. She closed her eyes in thought, then reopened them with a slow nod. "Yes. I suppose it does."

 **Author's Note: Not gonna lie, this is probably incredibly O.O.C. This is only my second Steven Universe fanfic; I'm still learning my way around.**

 **So... I started writing this when I first watched the episode, but then I made the mistake of watching 'Keeping It Together' and my feels have been out of sorts and jumbled up ever since. Seesh. People weren't kidding about Stevenbombs. (I'm new to the fandom; I started catching up on episodes a few days ago and finished just in time for the second half of my first Stevenbomb).**

 **I haven't been seeing a whole lot of fanfiction about Connie when it comes to stuff like this, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I'm sure there's more out there that I just haven't found, but I wanted to give it my own go.**

 **Whelp. I tried.**

 **(The Little Things Matter is still going on, by the way. I just... need to sort out my Garnet feels first. Holy crud.)**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review**!


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